Consequences
by mtm
Summary: Jane has to face the consequences of his actions and this time he is alone.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: **I have been away for a while and I'm out of practice, but hopefully you will read and enjoy this little story. I'm not too sure if I can stick to my usual daily update pattern, but I'll try my best:)

Spoilers for episode 3x16. As usual, I don't own The Mentalist.

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**Chapter 1**

The lamp on her desk created a small circle of light into the dimness of the evening. The CBI building was quiet, air conditioning humming to itself in the background, only low murmurs of few people mingling with it. It was late and most people had gone home for the day. Lisbon and her team were around waiting for some information to finally make a break in their present case.

They had been busy with a case involving a family feud, a rich family's feud, and all the intricacies and lies had kept them busy for the better part of the week, especially as Jane had been absent. Since Hightower's escape the man had been spending more and more time alone in his attic and barely acknowledging their existence. He was evasive when Lisbon asked what he was doing and tried to avoid her and the rest of the team. Lisbon grudgingly admitted that the present case would have been solved quicker if Jane had been poking around and annoying those snotty people into revealing themselves sooner, although she wasn't going to admit that to Jane and his larger than life ego.

XXXXXX

Lisbon raised tiredly her head as she heard the approaching footsteps. She was too numb and tired to really care who it was, but it was her duty and she be damn if she didn't do her best to function as the lead agent. It was getting more and more difficult though and it spoke volumes of Lisbon's character that she was still hanging with her nails and teeth, making it through each day and each case. She had tried to put the tiredness, numbness and general weariness down to not sleeping well and being busy at work, but there was a tiny voice in her head telling her otherwise. It has started after the mess with Hightower, which was a shocking blow to Lisbon who had respected the woman and even liked her. As she had always prided herself to be a good judge of character, the reveal had made her to doubt her instincts. But she pushed all that to the back of her head, refusing to acknowledge that she was affected badly by Hightower's departure.

Cho popped his head and studied her carefully, his emotions carefully hidden, but the quick flash of worry didn't escape Lisbon. She appreciated his silence though as he knew how private she was. Lisbon was aware that her team were worried about her, but luckily they didn't push it.

Her thoughts turned to Jane. He should have been the one to read her like a book and offer some silly escape to distract her. Lisbon knew he was avoiding her and she let him. She didn't have the energy to mother him and it wasn't like her to ask when she needed something.

"We've got the location of the suspect, boss," he said calmly. This was the information they had been waiting for.

"Let's go then," Lisbon said and stood up wearily, but straightening her posture before stepping out of her office following Cho.

There was no need to let the others see her fatigue, she thought, unaware how they already knew that she was close to the edge, but not knowing how to stop her toppling over.

"Is Jane coming?" Lisbon asked the room in general.

"I asked him. He said he was busy," Cho replied stoically, although annoyance was clearly visible in his voice.

Lisbon looked at her agents who were ready to take down one more criminal, and gestured them to lead the way.

XXXXXX

Jane was flopped down on his bed in the attic when he heard the team leaving. He frowned absentmindedly, but put the thoughts of the team out of his mind. He was concentrating on how to spring a trap on Red John now that he must think that their defenses were slacker as Hightower has taken all the blame.

Jane had taken his own advice and hadn't told anyone about the innocence of Hightower and he planned to keep it that way. He was narrowmindedly obsessing about Red John again as he was sure that he was getting closer.

All the mundane job of CBI and the cases was nothing to him compared to this and he had withdrawn into his own world venturing out only when it suited his needs. He did feel a pang of guilt when he saw Lisbon and how tired she looked, but he kept telling himself that it was just the tiredness of working hard now that he wasn't helping them.

He went back to his scheming.

XXXXXX

Lisbon and the team drove to the warehouse and got out of their cars. They slapped on their vests and paused to look around. The warehouse wasn't large and other buildings loomed over it. Everything was quiet but they could see some of the lights on inside. A side door was open. They quietly and efficiently entered the building and started searching for their suspect who was suppose to be there. Cho and Rigsby took the second floor while Lisbon and Van Pelt continued on the ground floor.

Van Pelt was just coming out of a room along a long corridor when she saw Lisbon opening the door to a room on the opposite side. Lisbon whipped out her gun.

"CBI! Drop the weapon!" Lisbon shouted. Van Pelt drew her own gun and approached cautiously.

There was no answer to Lisbon's orders and Van Pelt saw her hesitate and lower her gun just a few inches. All hell broke loose.

A shot was fired and Lisbon was thrown across the corridor thudding painfully to a halt against the wall. Van Pelt saw a silhouette moving to the door raising a gun and she aimed at the visible hand and pressed a trigger. A painful yelp could be heard as a gun rattled to the floor.

Van Pelt cautiously approached the doorway not risking looking at Lisbon as her concentration had to be kept on the suspetc. She could hear Cho and Rigsby running and they arrived only a moment later. Cho was already calling the ambulance and crouched down to Lisbon and Rigsby helped her to apprehend their suspect who was crying foul play and police brutality.

XXXXXX

When Cho was running down the corridor and saw that Van Pelt had the suspect under control, he concentrated on the small figure on the floor. Even from this far, he could see that Lisbon wasn't moving and that there were dark stains against her neck. He pulled out his phone while still running.

"Agent down! We need paramedics now!" Cho barked and stuffed the phone back to his pocket when he reached Lisbon.

She was leaning against the wall in a limp heap, her head lolling to one side, her eyes closed. Her vest had taken two bullets but the third, a large caliber bullet by the looks of it had hit her in the junction of the neck and shoulder and she was bleeding profusely.

Cho shut down his emotions, leaving his panic and terror to clamour inside their cage in the back of his mind, as he shrugged out of his jacket and used it to apply pressure on the wound. This elicited a moan in response from Lisbon and her eyelashes fluttered.

"Hang on boss," Cho told her, "help is coming."

Lisbon managed to open her eyes a little, but didn't have any energy to lift her head.

"I failed Cho," she whispered.

"I hesitated, didn't trust myself..." Lisbon continued weakly.

"You did nothing wrong, boss. Now hush, save your strength," Cho told her while trying to stem the bleeding.

Rigsby and Van Pelt had come out of the room with their suspect and their eyes widened as they took in the scene. Cho glared at them.

"Take him away," he growled and the suspect visible shrank back in response to his voice.

Van Pelt and Rigsby started marching him out when the paramedics ran in and all Cho's concentration went into helping them to help Lisbon while her blood kept flowing in between his fingers.

**TBC**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** I just realised to my horror that I last wrote anything over a year ago! So if I'm a bit rusty, I've got a good excuse

Thank you for all the reviews, it's nice to know that people are enjoying the story.

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**Chapter 2**

Jane was downstairs in the quiet kitchen making a cup of tea. He was mildly surprised that Lisbon and the gang weren't back yet, but then he wasn't totally sure how much time had passed since he heard them leaving.

He was dipping a teabag in his cup when his phone started chirping for attention in his pocket. He dipped the bag once more and dropped it in the bin and then fished the phone out of his pocket and answered.

"Jane," he said while balancing his teacup trying to not spill any of the tea.

"Lisbon has been shot," Cho's impassionate voice came through and Jane stiffened and stilled.

"Where is she?" Jane asked, already lowering his cup on the kitchen counter and walking towards the exit, while Cho gave him the information in clipped voice.

XXXXXX

The traffic was light at this time of the night and Jane quickly arrived at the hospital. For once his thoughts didn't center on Red John, but only on Lisbon. He felt anxious and he was acutely aware that he had been avoiding her with the purpose of not having to lie to her about Hightower. He hadn't really talked to her for a while and now she was injured. Although it wasn't his fault, he felt guilty.

He parked his car and briskly walked into the hospital. There were few people around but the calmness of the night didn't really help him. He was shown where to go without a fuss, clearly indicating that Cho had informed the staff that he was coming. He found the team in a waiting room.

Cho was sitting still, staring straight ahead. Van Pelt was sitting next to him, pale and worried and Rigsby was nervously pacing by the window. When they heard him entering, they all looked up.

"How is she?" Jane asked looking worried as they didn't look like this was just a trivial wound.

"She's still in the surgery," Cho answered.

"What happened?" Jane asked taking a seat opposite Cho and listened keenly when Cho relayed the story.

Jane was struck by what Lisbon had said before losing consciousness.

"What did she mean that she failed?" Jane asked perplexed and turned to look at Van Pelt with Rigsby and Cho when she was the one who answered.

"Since Agent Hightower's escape, she has questioned herself and her instincts. But you haven't been around her to see that," Van Pelt said quietly and angrily.

Jane flinched at her tone but for once didn't come back with a witty retort. Van Pelt was right after all and this was Lisbon they were talking about.

"She pulled her gun on the suspect. He must have done something to make her hesitate and I saw her lower her gun a bit and then the suspect shot her. Two shots were absorbed by the vest," Van Pelt continued.

"But one hit the junction of the neck and the shoulder severing the carotid artery, "Cho continued tonelessly.

"She is still in surgery," he said quietly.

Silence fell as Jane took in the news and all that had happened. He could tell that Van Pelt was angry and disappointed with him. Rigsby was generally angry and there was no telling what Cho was thinking. He leaned back in the uncomfortable chair and joined the others in waiting while an unidentified emotion was raising its head and made him feel even more uncomfortable and twitchy. Van Pelt was correct, he hadn't notice the change in Lisbon. How could he not have, Jane berated himself. Maybe he could have done something to stop this going this far.

A tiny voice in his head piped up, "You should have told her about Hightower. That her instincts and judgement of character were spot on." Jane started to feel the dread spreading slowly, could feel the heaviness in his chest as it started to dawn on him that this mess actually was his fault.

XXXXXX

While Jane was deep in thought, a doctor walked in wearing scrubs and a white coat, neither being blood splattered. That must be a good sign, thought Jane as they all got to their feet.

"Agent Lisbon's surgery was successful. She has lost a lot of blood as it was artery that was severed and she will have substantial scarring in her neck, but she will be fine," the doctor announced.

"Can we see her?" Jane asked immediately at the same time with Van Pelt.

"She is still not fully conscious from the anaesthesia, but I'll send a nurse to take you to her," the doctor said knowing from experience that law enforcement always wanted to see their injured ones with their own eyes before leaving.

The doctor turned and waived at a nurse who came and took them along a long corridor. From the last room on the right, light was spilling to the darkened corridor and they all crowded in to be faced with a very pale Lisbon resting on a bed, lines and tubes sneaking out of under her covers and the steady beep of machines echoing from the walls.

Jane stood back while the others approached Lisbon. He saw how Van Pelt reached for her hand and clasped it in her own. How Cho was standing close on the other side of the bed and how Rigsby was hovering nervously beside Van Pelt. Lisbon didn't react to any of them.

Jane felt like the air around him was flowing slowly, thickly, and it was suffocating. He could feel his heart beating loudly in his chest and he couldn't hear anything. He could only see Lisbon, tiny and pale with large dark circles around her eyes, quiet and still and that scared him the most.

He took a careful step towards the bed and Cho gave way so that he could stand next to Lisbon. They knew the capacity of the man to blame himself for everything gone wrong and in other circumstances they might have been worried for him, but they knew that if Jane had been around more, Lisbon wouldn't be in this bed.

"Jane, I didn't mean…" Van Pelt began as her kind heart started feeling sorry for him, but Jane cut her short by waving his hand.

"It's alright Grace, it is my fault. I haven't been around her and I haven't been there for her like she has been for me…" the rest of Jane's sentence tapering off into silence.

Van Pelt nodded tears in her eyes and let Rigsby lead her away. Cho nodded at Jane and took his leave with the other agents.

XXXXXX

Jane stood still for a while as the nurse came in to make sure Lisbon's vitals were ok and that she was comfortable. She didn't give him any grief for staying for which he was grateful.

Once he was alone with Lisbon, he hesitantly took her hand and gently held it in between his larger hands. He wasn't great on physical contact, but he needed to feel that Lisbon was still alive. That she was still here with him.

As he stood next to Lisbon's bed, stroking her hand, thoughts swirled in his mind. Running around chasing their tails, tripping over themselves his mind was in chaos and he didn't know how to tame them. He only knew that the old, familiar guilt was gnawing his gut, reminding him that once again it was his fault that a woman that he cared about was hurt.

The fact that he had just admitted caring for Lisbon was drowned by the other emotions and warranted little attention from his mind as it battled with itself.

Jane knew that he had to come clean about Hightower. It might be what was needed to make Lisbon to start trusting herself again and he was going to do everything he could to make his absence up to her. This thought brought his mind to an abrupt halt. He had just put Lisbon's wellbeing ahead of catching Red John without any hesitation.

He looked down at the injured woman, still holding her hand and finally it came through to him that once again he hadn't thought what the consequences of his actions were and now he was here, alone, without Lisbon at his side to help him to shoulder the consequences as she usually did without him asking. He was truly alone.

**TBC**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Thank you again for all the lovely reviews. And for those of you wondering, no, English isn't my first language, but I'll try my best to be understandable:)

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**Chapter 3**

Jane was slumped in a chair next to Lisbon's bed. He was still holding one of her hands in his as to ensure that the feisty woman wouldn't just sneak out of the room while he wasn't watching. And it did give him comfort, more than he had experienced in many years.

He looked down at her hand in his larger one and bowed his head shaking it slightly. This is not what he imagined would happen. It spoke volumes of his ignorance, but it never occurred to him that Lisbon could take Hightower's "betrayal" so badly. And now he had only himself to blame that Lisbon was in this hospital bed. This was his doing, nobody else's and finally he realised that this was too high a price to pay.

He wearily let go of Lisbon's hand, leaned towards the bed and rested his head next to her hand. It was still dark outside, only the occasional headlights of a car disturbing the darkness. The steady beep of the machines in the room finally lulled him hypnotically into a light sleep.

XXXXXX

It was soft and comfortable, no pains or aches anywhere and the darkness held only safety, she couldn't feel any danger or anxiety.

"This is odd," her thoughts followed her sluggishly like a shadow, few steps behind. She hadn't felt like this for a long time and there was a slow nagging somewhere in her mind trying to get her attention that this wasn't normal.

She surfaced slowly into consciousness and could feel the soft bed under her, could hear the beeps of the machines, could feel something straining and tugging at her neck although not painfully and most of all, she could smell the disinfectant and the unmistakable smell of Patrick Jane.

She tried to open her eyes and was pleased to find the room dim as it didn't hurt her eyes. She was feeling groggy and pleasantly numb and she was clearly in a hospital. The events of the previous hours came back to her and she winced when she realised that it was her own fault being here. She shouldn't have hesitated. She shouldn't have doubted her instincts.

The longer she thought the clearer it became. Maybe it was time to resign, to do something else. What that something else was, she didn't have a clue but she wasn't ready to put others in danger because of her.

While she was ruminating, her eyes were trying to find Jane and found his head resting next to her left hand, his eyes closed and breathing steady. It was rare for her to see him so relaxed and still and she guiltily took the pleasure of watching him for a while.

Another thought entered her scattered mind. If she resigned, then she wasn't working with Jane any more and maybe she could finally admit to her conscious mind what her heart had been clamouring about for a while now.

Lisbon could feel, and hear, her heartbeat speed up as she carefully lifted her left hand and rested it on Jane's head, gently stroking the blond curls. Surprisingly Jane didn't immediately wake up, but only snuggled closer to her hand. Lisbon smiled sadly at him, this was the closest they had been for many months and she felt the longing for more.

XXXXXX

Jane felt content and safe as he dreamt of soft hands and gentle strokes and as he slowly surfaced from the dream, he realised that he wasn't dreaming. Somebody was gently stroking his hair.

Jane jerked his head up to be met with Lisbon's dark eyes.

"You are awake," he whispered trying to get his mind to work. It had been a long time since anyone had touched him and the fact that this was the first time Lisbon displayed physical intimacy, didn't slip by him.

"How are you feeling?" Jane asked still whispering, reluctant to disturb the peace of the night and that magical moment Lisbon had wrapped him in.

To her and Jane's surprise, she didn't stop her ministrations of Jane's curls, but carried on with the slow, steady caress.

"I feel numb. Comfortable and safe," Lisbon answered truthfully.

Jane just stared at her and slowly closed his eyes, not being able to resist the gentle touch. He could feel the tears starting to gather behind his closed eyes and for once, he didn't hide them. He opened his eyes letting the unfallen tears to be visible in the dim light and faced Lisbon's eyes.

"I'm so sorry. That I haven't been there for you. That I didn't tell you the truth. That I let you think that you were somehow wrong. I'm so sorry that I let you doubt yourself," Jane said brokenly as the tears escaped his eyes.

Lisbon's hand stilled.

"What do mean, you didn't tell me the truth?" Lisbon asked hoarsely as she withdrew her hand.

Jane looked up to her eyes, huge and clear despite of all the drugs. And he told her everything.

XXXXXX

Lisbon absent mindedly noticed that the room was getting lighter as the sun was slowly starting to come up in the early hours of a morning. She was feeling numb, which had nothing to do with the drugs.

Jane had finished a while back, falling into an exhausted silence. He had been true to his word, he had told her everything, even the smallest detail. Now he sat next to her like a man facing his executioner.

Lisbon didn't just feel betrayed, it acutely stabbed her, sliced through her and took her breath on its way out. She started shaking and couldn't stop the tears gathering in her eyes. She was way too battered and emotionally raw to cope with this.

"Please, leave. I need to think," Lisbon whispered numbly.

Jane looked at her, his own eyes full of regret and remorse, sadness and guilt and what made it worse, she could finally see love in the mix too.

"All right, I'll come back soon," Jane promised quietly when he stood up.

He reached out for Lisbon's hand, but stopped abruptly when he saw her steeling herself and slightly leaning away from him. It hurt, but he understood. He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him quietly and it broke his heart when he heard the first sob escape Lisbon's throat.

XXXXXX

When Jane came back and was about to open the door to Lisbon's room, he could hear voices inside. He smiled slightly to himself. Always the reliable Cho had come to see Lisbon, and he would do everything in his power to support his boss now that it was clear that she needed it. Jane could trust Cho.

He opened the door and stepped inside, only to be faced with a gun and a visibly angry Cho holding it.

"Whoa, it's just me," Jane said throwing up his arms in alarm.

"Lisbon told me everything," Cho said in a calm, tight voice and didn't lower the gun.

"I'm going to respect her wish and not haul you ass back to CBI and charge you with abetting a fugitive, obstructing justice and just plain lying," he continued his voice becoming pure steel.

"Get out and never come back," Cho managed to spit through his gritted teeth while still aiming straight at Jane's chest.

Jane's eyes had widened as he had expected an upset Cho, but this was way more serious. He tried to look at Lisbon behind Cho and found her staring at the wall, ignoring him while tears were starting to fall down her face.

"Lisbon, I'm so sorry. Please..." Jane addressed her desperately.

Lisbon didn't react except by closing her eyes.

"Get out," Cho repeated and flicked the safety off of his gun.

Jane slowly nodded and finally said quietly, " Please, look after her."

Cho nodded, but didn't lower the gun, neither did the anger leave his face.

Jane turned and walked away and fell into million pieces. Every step hammered it more deeply into his heart. He was alone.

**TBC**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** I'm sorry for the late update, real life intervened. Thank you again for the reviews! I'm glad that you are enjoying the story.

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**Chapter 4**

Cho waited until the door closed after Jane before holstering his gun and turned towards Lisbon, who was now shaking with silent tears and stubbornly facing the wall. Cho wasn't sure how to handle this vulnerable Lisbon, so he walked to the chair where Jane had sat just a while ago and waited for Lisbon to acknowledge him.

"Thank you, Cho," Lisbon said quietly, her voice slightly raw from the tears. Cho nodded even if Lisbon didn't look at him.

"Anytime boss," he responded and meant it. He was so mad at Jane for pulling a stunt like this that he didn't regret pulling a gun on him. He was sure that later on when his rational mind had a chance to take over, he would find Jane and apologise, but for now he was angry.

"I didn't expect you to threaten to shoot him though," Lisbon added with a ghost of a smile on her lips. Cho smiled and they fell into a comfortable silence

Lisbon was still reeling from Jane's words and his behaviour really had hurt her this time. Maybe it was because she was so tired and already hurting, both physically and mentally, that she had reacted so strongly. When she had told Cho everything and asked him to keep Jane away from her for a while, she hadn't expected him to pull a gun on Jane, but she had to admit that it seemed to have been effective. She couldn't remember the last time when Jane hadn't argued back.

Lisbon laid back on the bed and was grateful for Cho's silent presence next to her. She slowly fell asleep.

XXXXXX

Jane found himself in the back of the hospital, near the delivery entrance. At this time of early morning there were vans and people around, but they were all too busy to notice a man with a stunned expression on his face, so nobody bothered him.

He wasn't quite sure how he got there, his mind still running in loops after being confronted by an angry Cho and a hurting Lisbon. He sat down on some steps lined by trees and bushes, away from the hustle and bustle of the deliveries and leaned against the rail closing his eyes tiredly.

It wasn't a cold morning, but he was shivering. He wrapped his arms around himself, whether to keep from shivering or from falling into million pieces, he didn't know. He couldn't concentrate and couldn't think straight.

He didn't hear the footsteps softly approaching, didn't see the shadow falling across him. He did however, feel the sharp prick of a needle against his neck and when the darkness fell, he heard a soft voice breathing into his ear.

"And now you are all mine."

XXXXXX

Lisbon woke up to an empty room. The light was spilling in through the curtains and the machines still kept beeping and now she was starting to feel the pain in her neck. As she was contemplating whether to call a nurse, one appeared.

"Good morning, agent Lisbon," she said brightly, "My name is Sara and I'm your nurse today. The doctor will do his rounds in few hours. How are you feeling?"

Lisbon cleared her throat and answered with a raspy voice, "I'm fine."

The nurse lifted her eye brow sceptically as she carried on taking Lisbon's vitals.

"I will put up some painkillers in your IV line as I can tell you are getting uncomfortable," the nurse said while writing down on a chart.

"Please, can I get some tablets?" Lisbon asked quickly and when the nurse looked hesitant, she explained, "It's not so bad and I want to go home soon."

"OK then," the nurse smiled and left the room to get the medication.

Lisbon felt around her neck and her fingers met the soft padding of dressings. Nobody had actually talked to her how bad it was, but she still wasn't going to stay in the hospital any longer than necessary.

The nurse came back with the tablets and a doctor. Lisbon swallowed the offered tablets while the doctor read her chart.

"Well, it looks like you are a quite strong woman. You lost a lot of blood from the severed artery, but the injury itself was simple and easily fixed. I can let you go home tomorrow if you rest today, promise to avoid any strenuous activity for the next two weeks and will take the painkillers and iron tablets that I'm going to prescribe," the doctor said.

"Any questions?" he asked to which Lisbon quickly shook her head as she had expected to argue her way out of here and was rather thrown that she didn't have to.

The doctor smiled at her and said, "I've have treated law enforcement officers plenty of times to know when I'm facing a losing battle."

Lisbon laughed quietly.

"But you have to promise to rest for two weeks as you have to remember that it was an artery that was severed so it needs to heal properly," the doctor continued seriously.

"I will," Lisbon promised. Maybe this was a good opportunity to catch up on sleep and to think about her future. Maybe she really did need to do something else for a while if it only took Jane and Hightower to affect her this badly.

XXXXXX

Cho came to pick her up the following day and took her home.

"I have explained the situation to LaRoche and he told me to tell you that he doesn't want to see you for the next two weeks," Cho told Lisbon as he drove.

"But the paperwork…" Lisbon tried to say.

"It can wait," Cho responded with a tone that would take no excuses.

He cast a glance at Lisbon, who still looked very pale and tired.

"Maybe this is a good time for you to rest. You haven't taken a holiday for a long time," Cho said quietly the concern audible in his voice.

Lisbon stiffened and kept her face towards the window, but then she seemed to deflate and sighed.

"Maybe you're right," she finally admitted, earning a sharp glance from Cho. He hadn't expected Lisbon to admit that she was vulnerable and not completely herself.

A car honked its horn and Cho quickly straightened their car after getting so surprised that he hadn't paid attention to the road.

"If you can get me home in one piece, that is," Lisbon teased smiling faintly.

"On it boss," Cho smiled at her and they continued in companionable silence.

XXXXXX

When they got to Lisbon's house, she got out of the car wearily as the journey had really tired her out. Cho had already taken her bag and was carrying it to the door. Lisbon followed slowly with the keys and opened the door, indicating Cho to come in.

He dropped the bag on the sofa and went straight to the kitchen. Lisbon stared at his receding back and finally managed to get out, "And what do you think you are doing Cho?"

His calm voice came out the kitchen, "Checking that you have enough supplies to last for the next few days."

"Van Pelt bought some groceries and she will be coming around again in few days' time," Cho explained as he came back.

"If you need anything, call us," Cho continued while coming to stand in front of Lisbon.

She looked up to his serious eyes and silently nodded as she couldn't get her voice to work for the big lump in her throat. She wasn't usually this emotional but she couldn't help it. Everything that had happened recently really had pushed her to the edge and it was difficult to control everything as she was used to.

"Have you spoken to Jane?" Lisbon blurted as Cho turned to leave.

There was a frown on his face, "I haven't seen him since the hospital. He hasn't been to the attic and his car isn't in the parking lot."

"That's odd," Lisbon wondered.

"I'll try to find him, don't worry. He's probably on his usual merry go around chases and he just hasn't thought about letting us know," Cho reassured her as he left.

Lisbon nodded uneasily. After she had closed the door, she sat down heavily on the sofa and dug her phone out of her bag. No calls.

She stared at it for a while, debating whether to call Jane or not as he had really screwed up big time and she wasn't happy with him. She decided to leave it for now. Cho was probably right and he was off to somewhere on his own and anyway she didn't trust herself to talk to him just yet.

She also tried to ignore the hurt in her chest that Jane hadn't checked on her and kept telling herself that he was just doing what she had asked for. And she tried to ignore the worried voice nagging at her that when was the last time Jane had done anything she had asked.

Lisbon sighed, dug around in her bag a bit more and came up with the painkillers. She got up tiredly and walked to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Then she was going to go to bed.

XXXXXX

Jane came to slowly, his head feeling all fluffy. He felt tired and faint and found that it took a real effort to open his eyes. He didn't have the energy to move his legs or arms and when he looked down on himself, he found that he was lying on his back on a bed, his arms and legs tied into the four poles.

He tried to arrange his thoughts, which were sluggish after whatever he was injected with. He tried to look around to see where he was and who it was that had taken him. What he saw made his blood run cold and without a doubt he knew who had him.

He had a thick needle stuck into his arm and the blood was being drained by a tube, which disappeared somewhere down out of his field of vision.

The bed was next to a wall in a small room without windows. In the opposite corner there was a small table, which had a bowl resting on it and on the wall next to table, there was an unfinished smiley face…

**TBC**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

There was a sound of soft footsteps coming towards the room and the slightly open door opened all the way. Jane stared at the doorway and the man standing there.

He was of average height and weight, average looking with brown hair and light brown eyes. A man that could fade into the background without anyone noticing, which probably was one of the reason why he was so successful as a serial killer. Nobody would think that this man with his non-threatening and so unremarkable looks would be a killer. And Jane couldn't remember ever seeing him before.

He had always assumed that Red John was somebody that he knew or had met previously, but it was very clear that the man was Red John and someone he didn't know. This knowledge tilted his brain into a new direction, which faded quickly as he didn't have the strength to maintain a thought longer than few moments.

"Dear Patrick, you are finally awake," Red John said and stepped fully into the room.

"I began already without your presence, I'm sure you will forgive me," he continued and stepped closer to the table with the bowl. While Jane quietly watched, the man dipped his fingers into the bowl and strengthened the lines on the smiley face on the wall.

A dread started pooling in Jane's stomach. Whose blood was he using?

"Why are you doing this?" Jane asked with a weak and raspy voice.

"Why? Of course to finish my life's work," Red John said turning towards Jane on the bed, his two fingers still glistening with blood.

"You were always going to be my last. I was just waiting for a time, when the lovely Teresa would wake up to what kind of a man you really are," he continued.

"And now you have played straight into my hands," he finished with a predatory smile.

"What do you mean?" Jane asked trying to keep Red John talking in an effort to find out more about his situation and how to turn it into his own advantage. It was difficult to keep his thought straight as the bed was so soft and comfortable and he was so tired, but he persevered.

"I know about you and Hightower. You reacted exactly as I predicted and kept the information from agent Lisbon and the rest of the team," Red John replied.

"Framing Hightower was to be the beginning of an end for you and I had it all planned out how Lisbon would lose all her trust in you and how CBI would come to hate you. For you to be left alone, without anyone caring if you were dead or alive and most of all, to feel the loss of Lisbon and her feelings for you," Red John coldly said.

"There's nothing between Lisbon…" Jane croaked while his fluffy head was trying to take in everything the man in front of him was saying.

"Oh, stop it. I know what was going to happen if I didn't intervene," Red John scoffed.

"You are going to thank me before I'm finished with you, you know. That I prevented your heart being broken all over again when Teresa would have left you eventually," Red John said.

"Anyway, it turned out that fate had different plans that coincided nicely with mine and made her to throw you out all on her own," the man continued as he fished a handkerchief from his pocket and started wiping his fingers.

"You were despaired and had finally come to understand how you felt about agent Lisbon and her team, only to lose it all through your own actions. As a consequence, nobody is going to miss you and I can take my time to enjoy your last moments," Red John said and looked away from his fingers to look at Jane.

Jane looked at him nervously as he realized that what he was saying was true. Lisbon didn't want him in her life and nobody would miss him until it was too late. If they even realized he was missing and didn't just assume that he had simply left without telling anyone as was his habit.

"As you can see, there is no point in trying to stall. Nobody is going to come for you," Red John said smiling happily.

"What are you doing to me?" Jane whispered and tried to move his arms and legs, but felt too groggy and tired to really make any difference. He was getting more worried the more he listened to Red John as he clearly was an intelligent man but also as clearly unhinged.

Red John stepped closer and crouched down beside the bed, fiddling with something on the floor that Jane couldn't see.

"You see, I'm squeezing you dry. Literally," he said as he lifted a plastic IV bag full of blood up so that Jane could see it.

"I will drain 500 ml of your blood every day," he said as he got up and walked to the table on the opposite side of the room.

Jane wasn't worried anymore, he was terrified. He had been unconscious and based on how he was feeling, Red John had already had a field day with him. His chances of getting out of this bed seemed to slip away with every beat of his heart.

"This is the second bag as you have been here for two days. I suppose I overdosed you when I took you as it took this long for you to come around," Red John said shrugging as he carefully emptied the bag into the bowl.

"I imagine you might start feeling weak and dizzy soon, but this is not life threatening. Yet. After the next few days, you will start to die and I will be squeezing out every drop of your blood," the serial killer said calmly dipping his fingers into the bowl and began to draw on the wall.

"My finest piece of art ever," he said beaming at Jane.

XXXXXX

Lisbon woke up slowly and carefully stretched herself. She was already feeling better even though she came home from the hospital only yesterday. She got up and padded downstairs to the kitchen to start the coffee. She checked the fridge and the cupboards for food that Grace had left and smiled to herself. She could get used to someone stocking up her cupboards.

Only that thought led to Jane and the smile fell away. When she had woken up in the hospital to find Jane next to her and seen how he responded to her touch, a small hope had awakened in her. But it had burned down very quickly after Jane's revelation.

Lisbon had to admit though, that now she had had time to think about it, she could see Jane's rationale behind his actions and the fact that he couldn't trust anyone. Not even her as her behaviour might have changed due to the knowledge. It still hurt nonetheless.

But Jane had confessed everything when he saw that his actions had hurt her, Lisbon thought while eating her breakfast. Maybe it was time for action. She was contemplating taking a break from CBI and Jane seemed to have finally become more receptive to her, maybe it was time to do something about it.

Lisbon froze, the toast half way to her mouth. These thoughts were so unlike her. It was like something had finally shaken loose and somehow given her space and time to breathe and to think about the future. To show her options that she hadn't seen before.

She continued munching her toast and thinking.

After clearing the breakfast, Lisbon took her second mug of coffee to the sofa and sat down. She reached for her phone and dialled Jane. It went straight to his answering machine.

She frowned at the phone and dialled Cho.

"Cho, it's Lisbon," Lisbon said when Cho answered.

"Have you heard from Jane yet?" Lisbon asked, the worry seeping into her voice. What Cho said next made her worry turn into dread.

"There is no sign of him. He hasn't been in, his phone has been switched off and I just received a call that his car has been towed from the hospital parking lot," Cho gravely explained.

"He wouldn't leave his car," Lisbon stated breathlessly.

"No, he wouldn't," confirmed Cho.

"We are going to the hospital to go through their surveillance footage to see if he left the hospital. I will call you the minute we have anything," Cho said.

"I'm coming with you," said Lisbon already rising from her sofa.

"No, you are not. You are on sick leave and there is nothing you can do that we aren't already covering. I'll call you," Cho said sternly and Lisbon had to admit that he was right although it didn't sit well with her.

"Find him," Lisbon told Cho, her voice not quite pleading before putting her phone down.

Lisbon sat on the couch in the sunny living room, a steaming mug of coffee on the table, the world oblivious to her distress as she gazed at her phone trying to will it to deliver good news next time it rang.

XXXXXX

The hospital security was very co-operative once they heard why the team wanted to see the CCTV tapes and gave them a full access to everything.

Van Pelt was switching the tapes and Cho and Rigsby stared at the screen in an effort to find even a smallest detail.

"There!" Rigsby announced, pointing at the screen where Jane was seen leaving Lisbon's room.

Van Pelt kept switching the tapes so that they could follow Jane's footsteps and ended with looking at a video showing him sitting on some steps at the goods delivery area.

"He looks awful," Van Pelt commented quietly. Cho didn't say anything, just nodded. He felt more than guilty, but it wasn't going to help them find Jane, so he ignored his feelings.

As they watched, they saw a man wearing a baseball cap approach Jane from behind and press something against his neck, which made Jane to collapse forward almost immediately. The man left Jane where he was, and as the steps were lined with trees and bushes, the other people loading and unloading their vans didn't see anything. A moment later, they could see a car backing up to the steps and the man emerged from the car and struggled with Jane as he dragged him to the back seat.

Nobody paid any attention to him when he closed the back door, got in the driver's seat and drove away. The team could see him throwing out a cell phone under oncoming truck, and could see the broken pieces fly to all directions as the truck drove over the phone.

Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt stared at the screen in shock as it wasn't what they had expected. As far as they knew there was only one person with any interest in kidnapping Jane. And if it truly was Red John, the chances of them finding Jane just got very slim indeed.

XXXXXX

Cho barked orders for Van Pelt and Rigsby and they scurried to obey. Van Pelt was scrutinizing the screen to find all the details for the delivery vans and Rigsby was contacting the companies as quickly as she could give out the details. They had plenty of people to interview.

He also updated LaRoche of the seriousness of the situation and was relieved that his boss took the news seriously and started to gather a task force to deal with the situation. Even if Jane was a pain in the backside, he was still CBI's consultant and kidnapping him wouldn't be considered kindly.

The final call that Cho placed was to Lisbon.

"Lisbon, we found out what happened to him. It's not good," Cho stated without pleasantries.

Lisbon's dread was audible as she demanded, "Tell me."

"It's Red John," Cho said.

**TBC**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** Okay, I'm trying to get going with this again. Thank you for your patience and thank you for all the reviews (especially the ones I can't thank directly). Hopefully you are still in for the ride!

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**Chapter 6**

After Lisbon heard the words, "Red John", she didn't hear Cho anymore, but a tiny voice in her head repeating "No, no, no…" over and over and over again.

She managed to squeeze out, "I'll meet you in the office", before ending the conversation. She gathered her jacket, keys and stuffed the phone into her pocket after calling a cab. She stepped outside to wait, her mind in a haze.

This was not good. They had to find Jane immediately if they wanted to find him alive.

"Do not go there. You will find him alive," Lisbon told herself sternly as she stepped into the cab.

XXXXXX

She arrived in the CBI headquarters and slowly made her way to their floor, only to be met by a worried looking LaRoche when she stepped out of the lift.

"You shouldn't be here," he said in his quiet and calm voice, but offered his arm for support when he saw Lisbon's hesitatingly slow steps.

"I need to be here," Lisbon answered as quietly and glared at the man, but the fact that she was holding onto his arm took the threat away.

LaRoche dejectedly nodded and led her to Jane's sofa. Lisbon gratefully settled on it and relaxed against its back rest, being completely tired out by her journey.

LaRoche sat down next to her and Lisbon focused her gaze on him.

"Nobody at the hospital saw anything. Neither did the delivery people," LaRoche began his update and the dread in Lisbon's chest started squeezing harder.

"We have put the word out and we are just waiting for the journalist to gather before I will give a statement. We will have Jane's picture on the TV very quickly," he continued looking worriedly at the very pale Lisbon.

She nodded to him and said with a tired and small voice, "Thank you for responding so quickly."

LaRoche nodded and said, "Of course. After all, he is one of our own."

He stood up and left Lisbon to ponder that statement.

Jane had always been a lone wolf, a necessity on his quest for revenge. But slowly he had started to interact with the team and had integrated to become a team member and Lisbon was sure that he wasn't fully aware of the transition. He indeed was part of them now, which made his recent withdrawal so painful.

He had become one of them, only to withdraw into his own head when Red John's name appeared. The difference was that this time he had tried to shelter her, had tried to minimize the interaction in order to avoid situations where he would have had to lie to her. And in the hospital he had seemed to realize that his actions had caused great pain and had been ready to tell her everything and make amendments.

Lisbon closed her eyes and thought, "He has to be okay."

XXXXXX

When Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt came back to CBI, they saw Lisbon sleeping upright on Jane's sofa. They all exchanged looks and while Rigsby and Van Pelt went to update LaRoche, Cho approached Lisbon.

He was just lifting her legs, when she woke up. She looked around groggily before seeming to remember where she was. Cho continued to manoeuvre her into a horizontal position and Lisbon automatically let him. She was still exhausted and the earlier pain medication was still in her system. Cho reached for the blanket resting on the sofa's back rest and covered Lisbon with it.

Lisbon was sliding towards sleep and Cho sat down on the edge of the sofa, tucking her in.

"We have to find him," Lisbon mumbled.

"We will," Cho solemnly answered.

"I need…" Lisbon's voice tapered off as exhaustion took over. Cho looked down at her and felt the guilt still growing in his belly. They needed to find Jane, and he needed to apologise to him. He refused to have his last words to Jane be spoken in anger. And he needed to find him for Lisbon.

XXXXXX

Jane was vaguely aware of the tugging in his arm as Red John changed the IV bag. He was coming in and out of consciousness now and every time he opened his eyes, he was faced with the big smiley face on the wall, drawn in his blood.

He couldn't help himself anymore, but he still maintained a small hope that maybe Lisbon was looking for him. He had to believe that she still cared. He had to believe that Cho had just been momentarily very upset and was trying to find him. Had to hope that Grace would be worried by now and by default, so would Rigsby.

He tried to hold on, if for nothing else, for Lisbon. He didn't want any harm to come to her and his death would definitely hurt her.

He blinked slowly few times to focus on Red John who was smiling down on him.

"Everything is proceeding nicely. Today is your third day so you have kindly given me 1.5 litres of your blood," he continued as he turned his back on Jane and went to the painting on the wall and started making finishing touches to it.

"Not too long now", he calmly announced, lost in his own psychopathic world.

Jane closed his eyes and waited, which would come for him first; death or Lisbon.

XXXXXX

Lisbon woke up to find herself lying down and covered with a soft blanket. She blinked her eyes in confusion as she tried to remember how she came to be here.

She could see that there was a lot of activity going on, people coming and going, and in a TV in the corner Jane's smiling face greeted her as a news presenter was pleading for the public to come forward with any information.

She saw Cho notice that she had woken up and he left the person he had been speaking to and approached the sofa.

"How are you feeling?" Cho asked.

"Stiff and worried," Lisbon groaned as she tried to sit up. Cho helped her and then went to get a glass of water from the kitchen and came back with some tablets.

"Van Pelt went by your house and got your painkillers. I hope you don't mind that she borrowed your keys," Cho said as he handed her the glass and the tablets.

"No, not at all. Thank you," Lisbon said gratefully as she downed the tablets.

She then looked behind Cho's shoulders at all the activity.

"How is it going?" she asked worriedly.

"We have received some calls on the hotline and are following them up. But nothing concrete yet," Cho answered, the fatigue and guilt coming through to his voice.

"It is not your fault that he was taken," Lisbon said gently, even if she knew that it was useless. She was also feeling guilty and it wouldn't dissipate until they had found Jane.

Cho just shrugged and was just about to respond when two agents walked past and part of their conversation became audible.

"…no point. He's dead already. Red John never…" Lisbon and Cho heard as the pair made their way towards the lifts.

Lisbon looked at Cho, desperation raw in her eyes.

"He has to be okay. He has to," she quietly pleaded. Cho could only nod.

**TBC**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N:** Hopefully you'll like this instalment too :) It's always such a pleasure to read the reviews and find that people actually like the stories.

* * *

**Chapter 7**

The day was turning into an evening and the activity in the CBI was slowing down. There were still phones to be manned and agents and officers returning from canvassing neighbourhoods and the underlying static of nervousness and urgency remained. However, as the day had gone by and no leads had been found to Jane's whereabouts, some of the resources had been returned to where they had come from.

Lisbon understood this and was grateful for LaRoche for keeping her updated, but her heart was being squeezed into ever decreasing space by dread. The sense of urgency kept her pulse rapid and most likely her blood pressure was through the roof, but there was nothing she could do. And that non-action was worst for her. She needed to actively participate in finding Jane and not be a bystander, but her body didn't let her. Even if it was just a wound to the neck, but the amount of blood she had lost made her surprisingly weak and tired.

She had been resting on the couch all day, periodically taking her painkillers and eating only when Cho or Van Pelt brought her something to eat. After her eyes filled with tears when Van Pelt offered her tea instead of coffee due to the medication she was taking, she was offered only water.

So she found herself lying on the sofa, under a soft blanket in that fuzzy in-between state of awareness and dream, when she heard in Cho's voice an unmistakable spike of alertness and energy.

He was on duty manning the hotline phones and when Lisbon opened her eyes, she saw him furiously scribbling down something before hanging up.

"What is it?" Lisbon asked, her voice a mixture of hope and dread.

"It was an old lady living in an assisted living home. She was rambling quite a bit, but she did say that she saw one other resident wheeling a young man looking like the one in the photo that has been on the TV all day, but he seemed to be sleeping," Cho answered while gathering his jacket.

He stopped before leaving and walked back to the couch and sat down on it.

"This sounds promising," Cho said quietly.

Lisbon could only nod mutely as it felt like something big had taken residence in her throat and prevented her from speaking.

"I take Rigsby and Van Pelt with me to check it out and let you know what happens," Cho continued.

He looked at the woman resting on the sofa. How pale she was with large, dark circles under her eyes. How her hair was all messy but above all, how her eyes were filled with pain, terror and now with hope. He couldn't let her down. He had to find Jane.

Lisbon nodded and managed to whisper, "Good luck."

Cho rose and called out to Van Pelt and Rigsby who had stayed at CBI all day and showed no signs of leaving.

LaRoche also came forward and Cho updated him about the possible lead while Rigsby and Van Pelt gathered their jackets and guns. The three of them strode out purpose in their wake and Lisbon's heart went out with them.

Lisbon was left alone and although she was aware of LaRoche's gaze on her, she didn't react. She only sat up properly, gingerly got up from the sofa and when she finished feeling faint, she slowly made her way to the kitchen in search of a cup of coffee. She needed to be awake until the team came back.

XXXXXX

Jane was floating in the darkness. Some voice in his head told him that it was evening, but the thought evaporated as quickly as it had come. He had difficulties holding on to a thought more than a moment at a time and he tried his best to focus on Lisbon.

He didn't think in words as that was too much of an effort. He imagined her face, her smile when he had amused her, her frown when he had irritated her and the smell of her. He tried to envelope himself with the sense of Lisbon as he had given up hope that someone would come for him. He knew he didn't have too much time left, the way he was wavering in and out of consciousness and how rapid his pulse was and how tired, heavy and faint he felt all the time, although lying down.

He knew death was coming and it terrified him. He was terrified of dying alone, hence the attempts to create Lisbon's presence.

He became aware of Red John crouched down next to his bed and some fleeting thought entered his head thinking that something was wrong.

"Dear Patrick, I'm going to drain some extra blood tonight as I'm suddenly craving for blood pudding," he said while fiddling with the tubing and the plastic bags.

"You don't mind, do you? Good sport," he said while clapping Jane on his shoulder.

"I wanted to celebrate my victory and what better way to do it than by drinking, or in this case eating, the blood of my enemy," he continued smiling broadly and stepped out of the room.

Jane withdrew into his head and sought comfort in Lisbon. He fell unconscious.

XXXXXX

Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt drove to the assisted living home in silence. Once the reached their destination, Van Pelt frowned.

"Aren't all the residents suppose to be old people?" she asked as she looked around.

"Maybe there are exceptions," Rigsby answered, unsettled.

"Let's go in and talk to Mrs. Henderson," Cho said and took the lead.

They asked directions at the reception, which led them to a long corridor. They knocked on the door and waited until they could hear someone shuffling inside.

"Who is it?" came an old woman's croak.

"CBI, ma'am. We are here because you called," Cho answered calmly.

The door was unlocked and a wrinkled face peeked out. Cho showed her his badge.

"May we come in?" he asked politely and the face was replaced with a wrinkled hand, which waved them in.

Mrs. Henderson walked to her living room and the agents followed. The room was tidy but full of frills and flowery patterns. She gestured for them to take a seat.

Cho noticed that there was a chair next to the door and that the peephole was much lower than usual. The old lady noticed Cho looking and explained, "I don't trust the people here. When they want me to sleep, I stay awake and keep watch."

"I throw away all the sleeping pills," she continued smiling and winked at Cho. Van Pelt and Rigsby both had to suppress smiles.

"How do you keep watch?" asked Cho, undisturbed.

"The previous resident was an old, mean shorty," she said dismissively.

"Everything in here is adjusted to his height. Just look at the kitchen!" she exclaimed pointing at the other room.

"That's why it was cheaper and that's why I took it," she firmly finished.

"When the night comes I sit next to the door and look through the peephole, while everybody thinks I'm asleep," she offered next.

Cho took out his notebook.

"Can you tell us what you saw?" he asked and focussed on the old woman, who drew herself up clearly relishing the attention.

"I was keeping watch and it must have been morning already as it was getting lighter. I saw this useless fraudster from two doors down coming with a wheelchair where that young man in the photos was sitting up. He looked like he was sleeping", Mrs. Henderson told them eagerly.

"Since then I have seen him come and go, but the young man haven't come out of the apartment," she said.

The team exchanged glances. This sounded promising.

"Do you know the residents name?" Van Pelt asked.

"No, my dear," the old woman answered.

"The apartment used to belong to Mr. Sutherland, but he passed away several years ago. This young upstart moved in immediately," Mrs. Henderson said disapprovingly.

"I have told the management several times, but they don't do anything about it," she continued.

"This place should be only for old biddies like me, but he must be paying the management to keep the place for himself," she pursed her lips angrily.

Cho glanced at Rigsby and Van Pelt as the woman launched into a rant about fraudsters and bribes. This sounded promising, but if they went in now without a warrant, it would not only alert Red John to their presence but also make the arrest illegal and he would walk.

"Van Pelt, go outside and move the car out of sight," Cho ordered her.

"I'll call LaRoche and try to get a warrant and some backup," he continued.

"Rigsby, go to the door and keep an eye on the corridor," he finished as he made the call to LaRoche.

"I'll make tea," Mrs. Hendrickson announced and disappeared into the kitchen.

Van Pelt slipped out quietly and Rigsby folded his tall frame on the small chair and stooped low so he could see out of the peephole while Cho explained the situation to LaRoche.

When Van Pelt came back, she was carrying a large gym bag and Rigsby let her in.

"No movement in the corridor or anything suspicious out front," Van Pelt reported as she put down the bag.

"I also brought our vests and shot guns," she said looking at Rigsby and then both of them turned to look at Cho who was still on the phone.

"Yes, sir. I understand. Thank you," Cho said before finishing the phone call.

"We have a go. A judge issued a warrant and LaRoche is already sending backup and an ambulance", Cho announced looking serious. He looked at the bag on the living room floor, and he looked back up at nervous Van Pelt.

"Good thinking," Cho commented, "Let's get ready."

When Mrs. Henderson came out of the kitchen with a tray of tea and biscuits, she saw Van Pelt's back disappear out of the door closing it behind her.

Mrs. Henderson put the tray down and rubbed her hands together in glee as she took her position next to the door and proceeded to enjoy the action.

XXXXXX

LaRoche approached Lisbon as she sipped her coffee while sitting on the sofa. One look at his face made her heart jump to her throat.

"Did they find him?" she asked, daring to hope that finally she would get good news.

"Cho asked me to tell you that they were preparing to go in. It looks like a good lead," LaRoche said as he sat down next to Lisbon.

She closed her eyes and exhaled slowly. She needed to calm down. She opened her eyes to find LaRoche staring at the floor, giving her the little privacy that he could.

"Thank you," Lisbon said sincerity in her voice. LaRoche nodded and stood up.

"I have sent backup already and will let you know immediately if Jane is found," LaRoche promised her before walking away.

Lisbon felt like her heart was trying to climb out of her chest, she felt faint and was aware that she was hyperventilating. She forcefully calmed herself, took some painkillers to make herself ready for action and settled to wait for news.

XXXXXX

The corridor was quiet when Cho inched silently to Red John's door, Rigsby and Van Pelt silent ghosts behind him. He gestured, giving them instructions and when they were all in position, he kicked the door down.

"CBI! Federal agents! Keep your hands where I can see them!" Cho shouted echoed by Rigsby and Van Pelt.

In the living room, a non-descript man was eating something bloody and he froze.

Rigsby and Van Pelt kept their guns aimed at the man as they knew how slippery and devious Red John could be. Cho checked the kitchen and then went to the bedroom.

"Cuff him!" his openly angry voice came out and Rigsby and Van Pelt gladly subdued the now struggling man.

"Get the EMT's here now!" was his next shout. Van Pelt called the EMT's and was glad to hear that they were almost at the house. Rigsby stayed with Red John while Van Pelt followed Cho's voice.

She found him in a small room, crouched down next to a bed. When she came closer, Cho looked up and the anger and distress in his eyes almost made Van Pelt physically ill.

She looked down at the bed and saw Jane.

Horribly pale and still Jane, who looked like he couldn't possibly be alive.

Van Pelt choked and dropped down next to Cho, who was carefully feeling for a pulse.

"He is barely alive," Cho whispered. Van Pelt could only nod and stroke Jane's curls that were plastered onto his forehead.

They didn't dare to disturb the needle in his arm as they didn't know what was going on. The smell in the room was terrible and choking and then they saw the large, red smiley face on the wall.

"I'm going to make sure that he dies," Cho calmly stated, his grasp of his emotions finally returning.

Van Pelt was swallowing tears as she kept smoothing Jane's hair. The EMT's appeared on the door and gently pushed her aside.

"Please step aside, ma'am. We need to get to him," one of them said and Cho helped her to her feet.

They could hear the arrival of the promised backup and how the protesting Red John was taken away. Rigsby appeared behind them and laid a hand on Van Pelt's shoulder in an effort to comfort her as well as himself when he saw Jane's condition.

The EMT's were replacing the existing IV bag with some blood in it with a fluid bag that Cho offered to hold. They checked Jane thoroughly and hooked him up with a portable ECG machine to keep an eye on his heart.

One of the EMT's looked up and said, "It looks like his blood has been drained, but we don't know how bad it is until we get some bloodwork done. But I would say it's a small miracle that he is still alive."

The erratic beeps from the machine quickly got his attention and then they launched into frantic flurry of action while Cho, Rigsby and Van Pelt looked on, alarmed and scared.

"We are loosing him!" the EMT shouted.

**TBC**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: **I'm sorry I took this long to update, but here is the next chapter. And thanks again for all the reviews and alerts!

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Cho's heart stopped for a second when he heard the EMT's words.

"We can't lose him now!" he said the distress evident in his voice. Cho's grasp of his emotions had been getting more and more tenuous the longer Jane's fate was unknown and now that they had finally found him, he couldn't believe it if they lost him now.

One of EMT's was performing CPR while the ECG machine was giving out a long monotonous beep. The other EMT efficiently intubated Jane and the two men worked seamlessly together, their experience evident. This reassured Cho somewhat but the continuous beep was terrifying.

The EMT's stopped for the machine to evaluate Jane's heart rhythm and one of them changed quickly the bag of fluids and shoved it back into Cho's hands.

"Squeeze this as hard as you can. We have to get his circulation back up and the colloids should help but we need it in now," he explained.

Cho nodded and started squeezing hard, glad that there was something he could do. He was aware of Van Pelt and Rigsby behind him and looked at them.

"Van Pelt, call Lisbon and tell her what's going on," Cho ordered.

He couldn't use his phone as he was too close to the ECG machine and he was acutely aware that once again he had let Lisbon down. He had promised to call her as soon as possible once they knew what was going on, but Van Pelt would have to do. He would have preferred to be the one to tell Lisbon but his place was here, helping Jane.

Van Pelt swallowed and nodded, turned around and disappeared from the view.

Cho and Rigsby continued to watch as Jane's life was slipping away.

XXXXXX

The ringing phone startled Lisbon. She had been nodding off on the sofa but now she quickly reached for the phone and noticed to her dismay that her hand was shaking.

"Lisbon," she answered.

"Boss, it's Van Pelt. We found Jane," Van Pelt said with a serious voice, which told Lisbon that she wasn't getting the whole story.

"Thank god", Lisbon whispered.

"How is he?" she asked, dreading the answer.

"He was alive when we found him, but his heart stopped," Van Pelt's voice was full of tears. Lisbon heard her taking a shuddering breath before continuing.

"The EMT's are working on him now," she said.

"Boss, Red John drained his blood!" Van Pelt said with anguished voice unable to hide her distress anymore.

Lisbon froze.

"I need to be there," she managed to get out.

"I will take you," LaRoche suddenly said, the man having silently appeared without Lisbon noticing.

Lisbon looked up, the phone still against her ear with the distressed Van Pelt. She didn't know how to console the young agent as she herself was horrified and frozen with terror and felt like wailing herself.

"Grace, I'm coming," she said before hanging up.

LaRoche offered his hand and Lisbon took it. She needed to get to Jane as quickly as possible and this time her stubborn pride wasn't going to get in the way. They headed out from CBI as quickly as Lisbon's condition allowed.

XXXXXX

Cho was on his second bag of yellowy liquid and the EMT's were still working on Jane. They were talking something about non-shockable rhythm, which seemed to be a bad thing. The men were administering drugs again in between compressions and they stopped to read the machine.

"Finally!" one of them exclaimed as he peered at the small screen. He turned to Cho and ordered, "Put down the bag and don't touch it. We don't want to give you a shock too."

Cho followed orders and watched as the EMT proceeded to give Jane an electric shock.

All the four men stared at the screen intently and were rewarded with an irregular beep.

Cho let out the breath that he had been holding and he heard Rigsby echoing him. He picked up the bag again and continued squeezing as he looked at Rigsby who looked relieved.

It wasn't Jane's time to go.

XXXXXX

Van Pelt gingerly stepped into the room and was faced with relieved looking Rigsby, a serious looking Cho still holding the IV bag and the EMT's now making Jane ready for a transfer.

"What happened?" Van Pelt asked.

"We got his pulse back," the EMT answered while he was securing the IV cannula in Jane's arm.

"It's still thready and quite weak, but he's alive," he finished while moving to reach for the gurney.

Van Pelt felt the relief invade her bones and felt like her knees would give away. She leaned heavily against Rigsby who gladly offered his support. He wrapped his arm around her waist and together they watched as Jane was wheeled out of the chamber of horrors, Cho loyally following, still squeezing the IV bag.

They followed Jane out and as he was being loaded into an ambulance, LaRoche and Lisbon arrived.

XXXXXX

Lisbon could only see the gurney and the mop of blond hair peeking from under a blanket. The second LaRoche's car stopped, she stepped out ignoring the fact that the world faded into black and tilted sideways. She continued walking and somehow her head cleared enough to enable her to reach the ambulance without falling flat on her face.

She stepped close to Jane and the EMT's seemed to understand her need to see him as they gave her space to come closer.

Lisbon reached out with a shaking hand and brushed Jane's curls, repeating her motion from many days ago when she had been the one in a bed in a hospital.

He was so still, so deathly pale and his breathing was unsteady and ragged.

"Jane…" she choked.

She was assaulted by terror and fear, her chest aching and the world was threatening to go black again.

She wasn't aware of the tears on her face, wasn't aware of the EMT's fussing with the IV lines and machines and how Cho relinquished his hold of the IV bag.

It was only when Cho gently laid his hand on her shoulder that she became aware of the outer world.

"Boss, they are taking him to the hospital," Cho said gently.

"You can go with him," he continued and helped her up to the ambulance. He was worried for her, but being with Jane was where she needed to be right now.

"We'll meet you at the hospital," Cho told her before the doors closed and the ambulance took off.

XXXXXX

The EMT in the back of the ambulance with her kept a very close eye on the ECG machine, which kept beeping irregularly, but it calmed Lisbon. It told her that he was still alive.

She reached out to stroke his hair, which calmed her. She didn't speak and the EMT was happy to leave her alone.

XXXXXX

They reached the hospital where Jane was immediately hooked up with more monitors and had a swarm of doctors descending on him, but as the EMT's quietly placed her near the head of the bed where she was out of their way, she wasn't disturbed and she continued stroking Jane's hair.

The doctor's didn't seem to notice as long as they had a clear access but the nurses looked at her compassionately. When the initial rush and urgency was calming down, one of the nurses brought a comfortable looking chair and set it down next to Lisbon.

"Please, sit down. You look like you are ready to drop," she said kindly, but with a voice that wouldn't take a no for an answer.

"Your presence is good for Mr. Jane and I'm sure that even though he is unconscious, he is aware of your presence, but you need to look after yourself to be able to be there for him," the nurse continued reassuringly when Lisbon looked like she might argue with being ordered to sit down.

"I will get some tea for you," the nurse said before leaving and disappeared out of the door without waiting for Lisbon's response. She was left alone with Jane.

He still looked like he should be dead. He was waxy pale and there was no movement bar his chest moving with his breaths. He was once again breathing by himself and only had an oxygen mask over his face. He had leads attached to his chest and now another IV line inserted into his neck with more fluids and machines attached.

Lisbon sat on the chair, tired, the adrenaline slowly wearing off. And with it came the pain and her field of vision was swimming with black dots and it was starting to get very fuzzy in the room.

Lisbon kept her hand in Jane's hair and leaned against the bed, much the same way as Jane had done with her an eternity ago and this is how the nurse found her.

The nurse shook her gently and when Lisbon bleary eyed lifted her head, she gave her a mug of strong tea with lots of sugar in it.

"I can see that you have been injured," the nurse said indicating the dressing on Lisbon's neck.

"Do you have any painkillers?" she inquired and Lisbon nodded and dug them out of her pocket, downing few tablets under the watchful eye of the nurse.

"That's better," she beamed.

"Your colleagues are just outside and I will let them come in for few minutes, but then they have to let you rest," she told Lisbon, who started protesting that she needed to stay before her brain caught up and realised that the nurse assumed already that she would stay.

"Thank you," Lisbon said sincerely.

"You're welcome, dear," the nurse answered warmly and went to get the other agents.

XXXXXX

Cho, Van Pelt, Rigsby and LaRoche stepped into the room, all of them eager to see Jane.

"How is he?" Cho was the first one to ask.

"The doctors said that he almost died, and you found him just in time," Lisbon answered as she turned towards the others.

"He lost almost half of his blood and the fact that he didn't have any other injuries and that you found him when you did and were able give him fluids to sustain his circulation, saved him," she continued.

She looked up and said, "Thanks to you, he is still alive."

Cho nodded seriously, Van Pelt looked like she might cry any minute, but she stepped closer and held Jane's hand and Rigsby awkwardly said, "I hope he will be okay." LaRoche just nodded, apparently satisfied that Jane wasn't in any immediate danger.

Lisbon looked at Cho who looked worried and guilty, emotions that Lisbon shared. She had told Cho to make sure that Jane would leave her alone and what a mess had followed. She couldn't believe that she had been so thoughtless that she had put this kind of burden on Cho and she knew he blamed himself. She couldn't believe that she had pushed Jane away and couldn't even think of leaving him now.

"Red John has been apprehended and is being kept under closer surveillance," La Roche said rousing Lisbon from her musings.

"He doesn't seem very sane," he continued, clearly bothered by the fact.

The nurse picked that moment to stuck her head in the room and announced, "Visiting is over now. Please leave Mr. Jane to rest. You can come back tomorrow."

The other agents started making their way out and Cho told Lisbon, "I'll take you home."

"Thanks, but I'm staying here," Lisbon said tiredly and settled back in the chair as Cho lifted his eyebrow.

"Don't worry, it's all sorted out. The nurses know that I'm here," Lisbon said smiling as Cho continued to look skeptic.

"Please rest," he said before going out and Lisbon was sure he was going to tell the nurse to keep an eye on her. Before Cho could step out of the door, Lisbon's voice stopped him.

"It's not your fault," she said gently.

"It's my fault and I'm sorry that I involved you in this mess," she continued as Cho turned to look at her.

"It's also my fault," he stated.

"But you found him while I was uselessly sitting on my hands," Lisbon responded, hanging her head in shame and guilt.

Cho took few steps back into the room and crouched down next to her.

"You knew when he was in trouble," he said quietly.

"We will make it up to him," he continued as they shared their thoughts.

"We will make sure that he knows that he is still part of the team and that we care about him," Cho said, adding, "And I'm sure he will continue to be his usual annoying self," making Lisbon smile.

Cho patted her knee and got up and left, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

XXXXXX

Once she was left alone in the darkening room with the still form of Jane, the fear and relief descended heavily on her. She slumped against the bed, all her energy gone.

She held tightly to Jane's palm making sure not to displace any of the machinery or tubes and rested her head on the bed.

"I'll just rest my eyes for a moment," Lisbon told herself as she wearily closed her eyes.

XXXXXX

As the nurse came to check on Jane, she found Lisbon fast asleep, her head on the bed, still clinging tightly to Jane's hand. She gently covered Lisbon with a blanket, which got no response from the exhausted woman and took Jane's vitals quietly, checking all the IV bags and blood transfusion that was going on. She took a moment to watch the pair, a smile playing on her lips.

"What a precious thing love is," she thought to herself as she left the room.

**TBC**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

A faint beeping noise was lingering at the edges of Jane's consciousness. He was gradually becoming aware of the heavy, stiff feeling of someone who had stayed in one position for too long, but also of the soft bed and pillow under his head. This transferred his thoughts back immediately to Red John and the bed where he had last been before succumbing to the darkness.

His heart started beating faster and his chest felt tight, a resigned panic started spreading through him and he opened his tired eyes to see a dark room. He could see a door slightly open and he thought he saw a red smiley face on the wall.

He needed to get out, he needed to escape now that he could move once again. This regained ability to move slid off his foggy brain and he didn't question how it was possible. Instead he sat up and could feel something tugging and restraining his movements from many different locations and the panic blossomed.

He started thrashing and pulling at all the things restraining him and could feel a gush of something wet to start leaking from his neck and arm. His flailing arms hit something hard on the edge of the bed and he recoiled, thinking that it was Red John crouching down draining some more blood. He didn't register the noise the figure made and he didn't see the head rise up and the confused eyes looking at him.

He stiffly moved to the edge of the bed and tried to move his legs over so that he could stand and escape this nightmare, only to find out that his body didn't follow his brain's orders and he painfully thudded to the floor. He tried to crawl towards the open door only for a dark figure to stand in front of him and trying to stop him.

"Let me go!" Jane croaked, in the panic trying to hit the figure but getting more and more exhausted and his movements getting floppier until finally he could only lie on the floor panting and shivering.

It was only then that the smell registered. Lisbon was somewhere near!

XXXXXX

Lisbon woke up suddenly when somebody banged her in the head and when she raised her head to try to figure out where she was and what was going on, she could see in the dimness of the room that Jane had woken up and was flailing about, pulling all the leads and tubes out in a panic.

His eyes were unfocused and he was clearly somewhere else and based on his reaction it wasn't difficult to guess where he thought he was.

"Jane, it's me," Lisbon called out softly and reached for him, but Jane recoiled in horror not seeing her even when looking straight at her. And then he thudded to the floor on the other side of the bed.

Lisbon rose in alarm and winced as her neck reminded her that quick movements were not really a good idea, but she circled the bed and saw Jane trying to crawl towards the door.

All the commotion had attracted the nurse's attention and the kind nurse from before came to the room, drawing in a quick breath at the sight in front of her. She reached for the lights but stopped when Lisbon called out authority in her voice, "Don't!"

"He doesn't know where he is," Lisbon continued with a more quiet voice.

"Let me try to reach him first," she said while kneeling down next to Jane, who by now was exhausted and out of energy and was lying there, breathing hard.

"Okay," the nurse conceded but remained standing next to the door in the darkness.

"Jane, it's Lisbon," Lisbon gently said.

"You are in the hospital, you are safe now," she continued reaching for Jane's hair once again.

He seemed still dazed and he seemed to be sniffing the air, which puzzled Lisbon, but he didn't pull away when her hand made contact with his curls and she commenced her already familiar petting.

Jane closed his eyes and then said something that didn't make any sense.

"I knew you would come back. Always reliable, my Teresa. Even at the moment of my death, you are here."

"Jane, I haven't gone anywhere. And you are not dying," Lisbon answered confused but continued stroking his hair, which seemed to calm him down.

Jane opened his eyes slightly, peeking from under his heavy eyelids, "Teresa?"

XXXXXX

Just before he felt the touch he could definitely smell Lisbon and when the touch was gentle and calm, he was sure that he had managed to imagine Lisbon so vividly just because he was so close to death.

When somebody talked back to him and the touch remained, he cautiously opened his eyes and tried to see what was going on. He couldn't believe what he saw; Lisbon kneeling down next to him, stroking his hair gently while tears were quietly rolling down her cheeks.

"Teresa?" he asked.

"I'm here," was her response.

"Are you real?" Jane whispered without moving his head or body.

"Yes," was the response.

Jane became vaguely aware of the world around him, the dimness of the room, the coldness of the floor, the crazy irregular beeping of machines which were being switched off one by one, the smell of antiseptics and above all else, the smell of Lisbon.

Lisbon could see Jane starting to put things together and confirmed it for him.

"You are in the hospital, you are safe and I'm here with you," Lisbon said once again gently with tears colouring her voice.

Jane managed to raise his hand and he reached for Lisbon, barely believing that she really was there, that she wasn't just a figment of his imagination. When his hand made contact with Lisbon's hand the relief and gratitude flooded him.

"You are really here," he whispered as tears started falling, which finally made Lisbon to gather him in her arms and she just held him, rocking back and forth. Her face was buried in Jane's hair and he held on tightly, sobs wracking his suffering body.

XXXXXX

The realization that he was free, that Lisbon was holding her, that she wanted to be near him, it broke last of his barriers and he wept. He was holding tightly to Lisbon in an effort to feel her warmth, to make sure that she couldn't leave him as he needed her too much. He could also feel how tightly Lisbon was holding him and the quiet, gentle noises she was making to calm him down.

He didn't want to think. Just for this once, he wanted to feel, to touch, to smell and the glorious presence of Lisbon enveloped him in his need.

XXXXXX

The nurse observed them as she switched off the various machines that were complaining at the abrupt disconnection from the patient. She noticed that Jane was bleeding from the cannula sites but it wasn't excessive and to her opinion these two people seriously needed each other's comfort, so she let them be. She only observed quietly, remaining in the shadows, ready to be there when they would need her.

After some time, when Jane's sobs withered away and Lisbon's back was getting sore, she looked at the nurse, who took this as her cue to reappear.

She slowly approached the couple on the floor and waited until Jane noticed her instead of reaching out to him in an effort not to frighten him more.

"Shall we get you back on the bed then Mr. Jane?" she gently asked.

She and Lisbon helped him up and back into the bed while Jane held onto Lisbon's hand. She didn't want to let go of him either, she was so grateful to have him back and so grateful that he didn't seem to hate her for what she had done and that he seemed to welcome her attention.

While the nurse carried on reattaching all the leads, tubes and machines, Jane fell back on the bed, completely exhausted both mentally and physically. He knew where he was, that he was safe and nobody wanted to harm him, but he wanted to keep Lisbon close by as long as he could before she could remember how mad she was at him. He wanted to feel her, to smell her as it made him feel safe and cherished as this was what he had immersed himself in when his life slowly faded away.

The need to be close practically hovered in the air for everybody to see, and the nurse was experienced enough to know when more than medical help was needed, so she lifted one side up in Jane's bed, which startled him but she reassured him that she was just making him more comfortable. Then she went to the cupboard in the room and took out a blanket and another pillow and brought them to Lisbon.

"I might be assuming too much, but I think it will the death of your neck and back if you try to stay in that chair and at the same time try to be as close as possible to Mr. Jane here," she said to Lisbon who had raised her eyebrows and looked confused as the pillow was placed next to Jane's.

"Now Mr. Jane, if you could move a little towards the edge so that there is enough room," the nurse instructed and Jane shuffled his body slowly although he wasn't quite sure what was going on.

"Please hop on the bed dear, and lie down and I can tuck you in," the nurse smiled at Lisbon, who promptly blushed but did as she was told. She removed her shoes before climbing on the bed avoiding Jane's eyes and the nurse covered her with another blanket.

"Good night you two," she brightly said before leaving.

XXXXXX

Jane was too exhausted and raw to start analyzing the situation. He accepted it and reached for Lisbon and tugged her to come closer as his own strength was rapidly fading. Lisbon turned on her side and pressed her back against his chest and he gratefully circled his arms around her. She searched and found his hands and threaded their fingers tightly as Jane held her close.

"Maybe I did die and went to heaven…" Lisbon heard Jane mumbling before his breathing evened out into the steady rhythm of sleep.

Lisbon lay awake relishing in the feel of Jane around her and she kept stroking his hands and arms surprising herself with her need to touch him. She had never been a touchy feely person, but now, at this point in time, she needed to feel him and her previous insights into her own life made it possible. For once, she did what came naturally and she once again trusted her instincts.

With Jane warm against her back and his steady breathing in her ear, sleep finally found her.

**TBC**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** Thank you again for all the reviews and alerts! It's great to know that people like this story. I'm sorry that it takes so long nowadays for me to update but the real life is keeping me busy!

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**Chapter 10**

Jane felt warm and rested, although his side and back were complaining about being in one position for too long. He ignored their protests as he wanted to prolong having Lisbon in his arms as much as possible.

He had woken up to dawn casting a golden light into the room and to find his hands grasped tightly by Lisbon, who was still in deep slumber. He didn't want to move as he was afraid it might wake her up, so he had stayed in this same position.

He wasn't sure how much time had passed as he had immersed himself in observing Lisbon. The way her hair was spread on the pillow, how her steady breathing felt and sounded, how she felt against his chest and how small her hand was in his but above all, how her smell invaded his nostrils and conveyed a sense of comfort and safety.

He carried on watching Lisbon sleep even when the nurse came to the room and didn't feel one bit self-conscious. The nurse didn't say anything, except smiled and closed the door quietly after she was finished with her duties.

Time passed and the light increased in the room, making it warmer and brighter. And Lisbon slept.

XXXXXX

There was a quiet knock on the door, which didn't rouse Lisbon, but Jane raised his gaze. Cho stepped into the room and stopped dead in his tracks. The pause lasted very short time and the only other visible sign of surprise was the raised eyebrow.

"Cho," Jane whispered not wanting to disturb Lisbon.

"Jane," Cho acknowledged quietly.

Lisbon decided that moment to start stirring and both men fell silent, their eyes on her.

XXXXXX

Lisbon felt warm and cosy, the solid presence around her comforting. Her sluggish mind provided her with a name to that presence and she smiled slightly before opening her eyes to find a bright room and a stoic Cho staring down at her.

"Morning boss," Cho said like they were in the office instead of finding his boss in the arms of their consultant in a hospital bed.

"Morning," Lisbon offered blinking her eyes a few times. She was not a morning person and she needed coffee, but she would need to get up first to find it and she was deliciously comfortable for once.

Then she realised that she was still holding onto Jane's hand and that the man hadn't moved at all, even with Cho in the room. This warmed her heart, at least he wasn't embarrassed to be found with her like this.

She blushed slightly as usually she would have been feeling awkward and trying to talk her way out of the situation but she felt surprisingly content and happy. Maybe she could really change after all…

Lisbon pushed herself up and let go of Jane's hand, but she glanced down at him; lying on his side, a smile on his face but worry and fear in his eyes. They really needed to talk before this all got out of hand.

Lisbon smiled at him reassuringly, she wanted to kiss him but that's where her new self drew the line. She wanted them to be alone for such gestures and also, she wasn't sure that Jane welcomed such advances yet.

Lisbon sat up on the bed and lowered the side so that she could let her legs swing free while she faced Cho.

"I came to apologise to Jane," Cho announced as he stared past her at the still prone form of Jane.

Jane raised his eyebrows and looked slightly confused. He made an effort to sit up and Lisbon had to help him with all the drips and leads but finally they managed to get him upright without displacing anything. This meant that Lisbon was now out of the bed and Jane to his surprise felt a pang of loss.

This immediately raised all the other fears lurking in his brain although he couldn't read any warning signs on Lisbon's face or body language. She was pulling her shoes on and pulling her coat on, which made a panic flare up in his chest. Lisbon seemed to sense this as she came back to the bed and reached up to cup Jane's face and she gently stroked his face with her thumb to reassure him. It made her feel guilty and sad that he would think that she would leave him now.

"I'm going to go and get some coffee. I leave you two to talk," she said as she tried to put all her unvoiced feelings into her eyes and was rewarded with calmer Jane, although he still looked unsettled.

Jane nodded mutely as Lisbon's open affection had thrown him off his guard and he hadn't expected that. Neither had he expected any of the emotions he had seen in her eyes and for once in his life, he wasn't sure if he dared to interpret them.

Lisbon walked out of the door while the two men watched her go. After she had closed the door, Cho turned back to Jane.

"Thanks. I just won 50 dollars," he quipped and settled down on the chair where Lisbon had been sitting the previous day.

"Ah, the infamous office pool," Jane commented smiling, grateful that Cho didn't seem aggressive like the last time he had seen him.

Cho was quiet for a while as in deciding what to say.

"I apologise for pulling a gun at you," he started.

"Meh, it happens…" Jane tried to make it sound like he hadn't been hurt that someone that he considered a friend had threatened him.

"No, let me continue," Cho answered. Jane fell quiet and just looked at him, afraid what he was going to say.

"I had been irritated by your absence and what it was doing to Lisbon. How your lack of support affected her and how you just seemed to throw away the team," Cho continued.

Jane looked down at his hands as Cho was right. He hadn't thought about his actions, once again, and that's why Lisbon had been hurt.

"I'm sorry Cho, I didn't mean to hurt Lisbon," he managed say quietly without letting his emotions spill over.

"What? No, what I'm saying is that I was already annoyed and irritated and when Lisbon told me what had happened and asked me to make sure that you left her alone for a while, I overreacted," Cho said, looking surprised.

"Lisbon getting shot was not your fault but you getting grabbed by Red John was my fault as being threatened to be shot and being thrown out of Lisbon's life made you way too easy target for Red John. If you had been your normal self, he would have never managed to get you," Cho continued the regret obvious in his voice.

Jane just stared at him as he couldn't believe his ears. It wasn't common that somebody apologised to him in the first place but that it was Cho and that he felt that it was his fault that Red John had taken him, made it even more surreal.

"It wasn't your fault, but if it makes you feel better, apology accepted," Jane said, still feeling incredulous.

"And you did save my ass so we are even," he continued smiling slightly.

Cho seemed to be satisfied by this as he got up ready to leave.

As he was opening the door, he paused and turned back.

"If you hurt her again, I will shoot you," Cho said with his usual deadpan expression but Jane could see the hint of smirk in his face so he just smiled widely, but then became serious.

"I will do my best not to hurt her again," Jane promised seriously to the satisfaction of Cho, who nodded and left.

XXXXXX

Jane was left alone with his thoughts. He felt relieved after talking to Cho as his fears of being rejected by the whole team were lessened. He hadn't blamed Cho at any stage and found it down right unexplainable that Cho had felt responsible for him being kidnapped.

His thoughts turned to Lisbon and his anxiety grew as more time passed.

The doctors did they round and seemed to be happy with his progress. He had received already four units of blood and after some more hydration and blood tests they were willing to discharge him soon, possibly tomorrow. The nurses fussed with their observations and were setting up more IV fluids for him, but he was distracted by the absent Lisbon.

One of the nurses picked up on his anxiety but not the reason and told him to try to relax as his pulse was too rapid. He was on the mend and would be able to go home soon. Jane could only nod but his gaze was fixed on the door.

When it finally opened to reveal Lisbon, Jane's relief was palpable. It made him nervous though and he bit his lip so as not to blurt out his fears and that he had needed her. That would reveal too much and he wasn't sure whether she would be ready for her.

Lisbon seemed to be able to see right through him and came immediately to sit on the edge of the bed.

"I went home to change after I had had some coffee. I wanted to give you and Cho enough time to talk. And now I feel like a person again," Lisbon smiled at him as she took his hand in hers and absent mindedly stroked his knuckles.

"Sorry it took so long, the traffic was terrible," she continued and lifted her gaze to meet Jane's blue, worried eyes.

"I was afraid that you had left," he blurted out, which told Lisbon how worried and anxious he was as in normal circumstances he would have never admitted to it.

Lisbon looked down to where her thumbs were travelling on his skin. She drew a deep breath and said, "I'm afraid Cho isn't the only one who needs to apologise."

Jane's eyes widened and he reached over to still Lisbon's fingers.

"There is no need to apologise," he said quietly and tried to peer into her eyes but she stubbornly kept them down.

"If someone should, it should be me," he said, which caused Lisbon to jerk her head up with a surprised expression.

Jane desperately wanted to reach out and take her into his arms again but he dared not. He did find the courage to lift a finger to rest against Lisbon's lips as she opened her mouth to speak. The unexpected gesture silenced Lisbon.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you everything before, that I kept things from you, that I didn't trust you," Jane started.

"And you don't know how sorry I am that my actions made you doubt yourself, made you think that you are lacking in some way and I truly apologise that I got you shot," Jane finished, a wet sheet covering his eyes, the emotions threatening to spill over making him look down in turn. His heart was beating furiously and he felt breathless as he waited Lisbon's reply.

"We are one sorry pair, aren't we?" Lisbon softly stated.

"Both of us feeling guilty and afraid, both of us begging for forgiveness," she continued and Jane took the risk of looking at her.

Lisbon smiled at him through quietly falling tears and Jane couldn't stop himself. He reached out and pulled Lisbon against his chest. When she didn't hit him but relaxed in his embrace, he gradually let himself relax and enjoy the feeling of holding Lisbon.

"Don't take this the wrong way, but you are not behaving as you usually would," Jane said in a puzzled voice after a while.

"Neither are you," Lisbon quipped back and pulled back to look at him and smiled.

"I have had time to think and to let myself see options and paths that I didn't see before," she explained while still loosely in Jane's embrace.

She seemed to ponder something and Jane let her think. She finally drew a deep breath and said, "I want to be there for you."

Jane was struck speechless. He had daydreamed that one day, when Red John was gone, they might grow closer but never would he had expected her to come to him first.

Jane drew her back into his tight embrace and whispered to her ear, "I would very much like that."

**TBC**


	11. Epilogue

**A/N:** This is it folks. I thank you for all the lovely comments, alerts and reviews. It has been a pleasure:)

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**Epilogue**

Jane smoothed down his vest and looked at his reflection in the mirror. He still looked pale and tired but not like he was at the doorstep of death. Lisbon had brought him one of his suits from the attic and had promised to come and get him when he was released.

Since their admission of feelings they had been back to their usual banter but with an increased fondness and openness. Jane had dissected his feelings since then and he was surprised to find that he was genuinely happy. The fact that Red John was in custody instead of being dead bothered him surprisingly little, but maybe a brush with death changed one's perspective a bit.

He and Lisbon had not talked about their new positions in each others lives but as neither of them was really that talkative about their feelings and they could read each other fairly well to start with, there was no need to analyze. They would take things as they came.

Jane was amazed at the feeling of happiness and lightness that permeated him and he would never admit it to anyone, but the world really did seem a brighter place with Lisbon by his side. He was sure that they would have their challenges, but he was certain that they could work their way through them.

He trusted Lisbon. She was a strong, capable woman who was so much better human being than he could ever be and she still loved him despite of having seen him at his worst. He had always felt attracted to her, but somehow she had managed to sneak her way under his defences without him being aware of it and without seemingly being aware of it herself.

They had found themselves at this crossroads at the same time and being on the same page, ready to trust and love each other, like the universe had finally relented and given them a chance of happiness. Jane for one was going to appreciate what he was given as he was acutely aware of the enormity of this chance coming his way a second time.

He flicked a tiny smudge of dust off his lapel and regarded his image in the mirror one last time. Now he only had to wait for Lisbon to arrive.

XXXXXX

Lisbon had left Jane in the hospital for the night as she wanted him to rest properly before being released. She had been tempted to stay as being held by him made her feel secure and loved and finding out that he was a snuggler had been a bonus.

It made her smile as she drove to the hospital to pick Jane up. Who would have thought that the stubborn, aloof man, who liked to keep his distance both physically and emotionally, really liked to snuggle.

She was sure that there were more surprises coming up as Jane was a complex, layered man who had been hurt badly with deep emotional scars, but she had seen his capacity to love and care, even though he liked to think that he kept it well hidden. He had so much to give and Lisbon was happy that he had decided to trust her and open up to her.

She was still on sick leave herself and she was going to take Jane home with her to make sure that he rested properly and recovered.

She snorted and admitted to herself that she also just wanted to keep him close. Preferably in her bed, a thought which made her blush slightly. And now she was feeling like an infatuated teenager, blushing just by thinking about a man!

She noticed that the passenger in the car next to her was looking at her quizzically and she blushed some more before straightening herself and adopting one of her "federal agent" looks. The lights changed and she was relieved to be on her way again. Even when absent, Jane was getting her into trouble.

XXXXXX

Jane was sitting on the bed's edge, staring out of the window, for once not fidgeting. He seemed to be deep in thought as Lisbon observed him from the door, which was slightly open. She took a step in and Jane's head whipped around and a genuine, large smile bloomed on his face.

Lisbon couldn't resist and smiled broadly at him as she walked to him. Jane reached for her and drew her close to him, still seated on the bed.

"I missed you," he whispered into her ear as he buried his face in her hair.

"I missed you too," Lisbon answered as she let her cheek rest against his golden curls.

She withdrew reluctantly from him but stayed within his arms as she gazed at him, for once being at the same level and not needing to look up.

"Are you ready to go?" Lisbon asked.

"All papers signed, all tablets obtained and all lectures ignored," Jane smiled at her warmly.

"Let's go," he continued and got up, still holding his hands on Lisbon's shoulders and gazing down at her. His eyes softened and he dipped down to place a kiss on Lisbon's forehead. She stood still and closed her eyes at the feeling and kept them closed as next she felt being held tightly against Jane's chest.

"I can't thank you enough," Jane's voice came to her ears quietly.

She tightened her hold and then released him. She looked up and reached to cup his face.

"There is no need to thank me," Lisbon said seriously and then grabbed his hand.

"Let's get out of here before you get all mushy on me," she announced and grinned at him.

Together, side by side they stepped out, grinning at each other, to face the world.

**The end**


End file.
